


thighgap

by poeticsorrow



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Body Dysphoria, Character Death, Eating Disorders, Han Jisung | Han-centric, Heavy Angst, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Psychological Horror, Sad Ending, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:41:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24635497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poeticsorrow/pseuds/poeticsorrow
Summary: han jisung had always been naturally skinny, no?originally posted on my wattpad account, @poeticsorrow !
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warnings towards those suffering/ or recovering from an eating disorder. please read with caution.  
> & stay safe

i always wondered what it would 

be like to be skinny?

perhaps then people would

stop lying to me.

i always wondered why,

they continue to lie to me.

the voices don't 

seem to like it.


	2. 2

no matter how many times they correct me, 

i manage to trip over my own feet 

every. time.

_"We'll leave you to it then,_

_jisung._

_just make sure you come back home_

_before midnight."_

left with myself, the voices

decided to make their presence noticed.

the large mirrors that decorated the dance studio

taunted me.

my thoughts trail back to the one thing 

that has continuously plagued my mind:

why can't i be skinny?


	3. 3

It _burnt._

Sitting in front of the members,

I smile the best I can as the food they

had lovingly cooked for us all slid down my

throat like it was fire.

"You're picking at your food, Jisung.

Do you perhaps not

like it?"

_Smile. Remember to smile._

It's nothing, my stomach just hurts a bit,

_that's all._


	4. 4

I pinched and pulled,

staring into the mirror.

My thighs touched,

my arms were flabby.

My stomach protruded,

and my cheeks were too chubby.

"Jisung! Are you

almost finished?"

I shove the scale into the cabinet,

calming the loud thudding of my heart 

before replying;

"I'll be right out!"


	5. 5

i heaved once more, the tears

in my eyes blurring my vision

from seeing the unsightly image

now sitting in the porcelain bowl.

my fingers were scabbed, and my throat

burnt from my nails having scratched them.

i felt guilt ebb away at my soul, as i had run out of 

the studio to purge the delicious -yet caloric- breakfast

chan had made for me.

_"but you did a_

_great job"_

"but i did a 

great job..."


	6. 6

My clothing felt so tight 

against my skin.

I could feel it chafing against

my disgusting thighs,

and pinching my wrists.

_"You just need to lose_

_more weight then."_

The voice reminds me.

"I just need to lose 

more weight then..."


	7. 7

"I'm scared for him Chan, at this point

he is just a bag of bones, there's no

fat on him anymore. His clothing are

getting so loose, even Jeongin's are

bigger."

"I know Minho... We need

to help him eat some more,

he just eats too little. I wish he could 

let us help him.

-

"...He is just a bag of...fat...

his clothing are..getting...

bigger...."

_"Pathetic Jisung,_

_even your hyung's noticed how fat_

_you are._

_I gave you one job, why can't_

_you do it right?"_

"You're right. You

always are."


	8. 8

Jisung felt so disconnected

from the world as it spun

around him.

Even the smallest of dance moves made

his vision spin, and his mind do flips.

He wore long sleeves and long

pants to shield his fat self from his

members, not they haven't already

noticed his ballooned form.

He staggered, his breaths coming in

sharp pants. He finally noticed he was

no longer sweating.

The last thing he heard before feeling his eyes

roll back into darkness with the disappointed

tsk coming from the voice.

_"Good job Jisung,_

_now you've burdened your teammates_

_with your fat ass._

_I gave you one job,_

_why can't you stop failing?"_


	9. 9

The flashing red and blue lights

of the ambulance glossed over the

members eyes as they rushed into the ER.

Immediately the paramedics had diagnosed

Jisung to being terribly underweight, which

caused his current conditions.

The loud siren resounded into the dark night,

the car ride seeming just too long for the 

anxious members.


	10. 10

Silence filled the white room as the

members exchanged glances with one

another.

Guilt ate away _-how ironic-_ at them as

the pale gaunt face of Jisung nearly

blended in with the white sheets.

The dull silence serving as a reminder

that his heart no longer beat.


	11. end

Skinny. 

Beautifully skinny.

Jisung had finally achieved it, 

but you see, 

he was not the only one

desiring it.

Jisung had died so beautifully skinny,

_And Jeongin wanted to be just like him._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually a 3 part series on my wattpad account, @poeticsorrow !  
> curious as to what will happen to jeongin? check it out!  
> https://www.wattpad.com/story/196559858-collarbones-yang-jeongin


End file.
